Unrealistic Expectations: Can TV Shows Really Influence Our Love Lives?

How watching media with unrealistic portrayals of love can lead to dissatisfaction with one’s own relationships.

I recently saw someone post something that completely flipped my perspective on its head. She was talking about why she didn’t want to start watching a certain TV series—because of the love story. Not because it wasn’t her vibe or didn’t fit her interests, but because she was afraid it would set unrealistic expectations in her own love life.

That made me pause.

I’ve never intentionally avoided shows or movies for that reason. Honestly, I’ve always been in a happy, healthy relationship and have never felt like an on-screen romance could mess with my head or hurt my feelings. But after reading that post, I couldn’t help but wonder: Do these fictional stories really influence how we think about love?

I’m curious—has this ever happened to you? Have you ever avoided certain media because it made you feel like your real-life relationship or current situation didn’t measure up? Or maybe, do these stories even have the potential to mess with how we approach love when we’re single? This whole concept made me start digging into how media shapes our perceptions, and the deeper I went, the more I realized—this could be affecting us more than we think.

How Media Creates Unrealistic Expectations

Let’s be real: TV and movie romances are often picture-perfect. There’s intense passion, wild drama, and perfect timing that makes everything feel larger-than-life. And the problem? Those stories are scripted, edited, and shot to make us feel a certain way, not to reflect reality.

According to several psychology studies, constant exposure to unrealistic romantic narratives can skew our expectations of real-life relationships. In a study published in Psychology of Popular Media Culture, researchers found that watching media with unrealistic portrayals of love can lead to dissatisfaction with one’s own relationships. The stories we see on screen can set us up to expect more emotional intensity or more grand gestures than what’s typical in day-to-day life.

When you think about it, we’re constantly being shown idealized versions of love—no arguments about who’s doing the dishes, no moments where both partners are too exhausted to connect. It’s easy to start feeling like something’s missing when real life doesn’t live up to those expectations.

This isn’t just about rom-coms or dramas either. Even reality TV can paint an unrealistic picture of love. From shows like The Bachelor to Love is Blind, the fast-paced, highly edited formats often don’t showcase the day-to-day effort that goes into building a relationship.

The Psychology Behind It

So why do we fall for these stories? Why does watching The Notebook or bingeing a rom-com marathon make us want to find or fix our very own Noah?

One reason is that we’re wired for connection. Psychologists point out that our brains are designed to respond emotionally to stories. When we see people on-screen going through intense emotions, we can’t help but relate. This is called “narrative transportation”—the process where we become so involved in a story that we start to feel like we’re living it ourselves. The more absorbed we are, the more likely we are to be influenced by the narrative.

There’s also something known as “parasocial interaction,” where we form one-sided emotional bonds with fictional characters. We start to care about their lives, their relationships, and sometimes, we even take cues from them on how to act in our own lives. It’s wild how invested we can get in people who aren’t even real.

But beyond just connecting to the characters, these stories can influence what we think love should look like. The psychologist Dr. Maryanne Fisher talks about the “ideal love myth,” which media perpetuates. We’re taught to look for passion, intensity, and instant chemistry—but real love often grows slowly and requires effort and compromise.

How It Affects Singles vs. Couples

So, does this happen more when you’re single, or can it impact people in relationships too?

When you’re single, watching love stories can make you feel like you’re missing out, or worse, make you idealize relationships in a way that isn’t real. You might start to believe that anything less than an epic love story means you’re settling. That can lead to dissatisfaction, or even push you to constantly chase that movie magic feeling, leaving real potential partners behind because they don’t fit the mold.

For those in relationships, it can create another set of challenges. You might start comparing your partner to the perfect fictional character who always knows the right thing to say or does the grand romantic gesture. When real life doesn’t live up to that (and, let’s face it, no relationship is perfect), it can lead to unnecessary disappointment or even resentment.

But here’s the thing—real love isn’t about those over-the-top moments. It’s built on the small, everyday stuff: the quiet support, the compromises, and the mutual respect. That’s what sustains a relationship long-term.

Can Avoiding Certain Media Actually Help?

Now, back to that original question—can avoiding certain shows or movies help protect your mindset around love? Some experts believe so. Being mindful of what you consume can help you avoid falling into the trap of unrealistic expectations .

This doesn’t mean you should stop watching your favorite shows altogether. I mean, who doesn’t love a good romantic storyline? But maybe we should approach it with a more critical eye, knowing that what we see on screen isn’t necessarily what we should expect in real life.

Finding Balance

It’s all about balance. Watch the rom-com, enjoy the romance, but remind yourself that real-life love looks different. It’s messier, less predictable, but often way more fulfilling because it’s real. Instead of comparing, focus on cultivating a relationship that works for you, flaws and all.

So, what do you think? Have you ever caught yourself feeling like the love on-screen was making you look at your own relationship differently? Or maybe it’s affected how you’ve approached dating when you’re single?

The next time you’re curled up watching your favorite show, just keep in mind that while it’s fun to get swept up in a story, real-life love is more about the deep connection you build over time than the grand gestures you see on screen.

XOXO,

Malerie